How Your Beliefs Shape Your Life (And How to Question Them)

This week, I had a coffee chat with someone new who asked me a great question:

"What are the lenses through which you see the world?"

I paused.

What a question!

Our lenses (aka our worldview / fundamental beliefs about ourselves and the world) are often like the water we swim in. They're so familiar, so second-nature, that we rarely stop to examine them, much less articulate them.

And yet, they're shaping nearly everything we do.

The choices we make. The relationships we cultivate. The things we tolerate. What we strive for. What we believe is possible.

As I started trying to identify my own lenses, I realized how difficult it was to separate them. Are they distinct beliefs? Different expressions of the same underlying philosophy? Different angles on the same truth?

I'm still figuring that out.

But the question got me thinking about why this kind of reflection matters in the first place.

What's in your purse?

I sometimes think of examining our beliefs like emptying out a purse that's been accumulating stuff for years.

You turn it upside down and out comes everything: your keys, a crumpled receipt from six months ago, three lip balms, some loose change, crumbs, a mystery object you don't even remember putting in there.

Some of it is useful. Some of it is outdated. Some of it doesn't even belong to you.

Our beliefs can be like that, too.

Some we've consciously chosen through lived experience, reflection, and experimentation. Others we've inherited from our families, absorbed from our culture, or adopted because they helped us survive or belong.

Take our beliefs about success, for example.

How many of us grew up believing that success meant earning a certain salary, reaching a particular rung on the career ladder, getting married, buying a house, or being admired for our accomplishments?

And how many of us have ever stopped to ask whether those definitions of success are actually our own?

When we become aware of the lenses through which we see the world, we gain the opportunity to question them.

Are they helping us? Are they limiting us? Do they reflect what we actually value? Are they still true for us?

We can decide what to keep, what to let go of, and what we'd like to make room for.

This is a big part of the work I do with my coaching clients.

But today, I thought I'd turn my own purse upside down and show you what's inside.

The lenses through which I see the world

Everything is connected.

We are not separate from one another, from our communities, or from the natural world.

What happens to one of us affects others. Our individual well-being is intertwined with our collective well-being.

This is one reason I believe so deeply in collaboration, reciprocity, and mutual support.

We go farther together.

And it's why I believe that reconnecting with ourselves is not just a personal endeavor. It changes how we relate to other people and the world around us.

We are worthy of joy, pleasure, fun, and rest.

Not because we've earned them. Not because we've finished our to-do lists or worked hard enough to deserve a break.

Because we're human.

I believe our emotions and bodily sensations are valuable messengers, offering clues about what we need, what matters to us, and what might not be working.

Many of us have spent years learning to ignore or override those messages, especially when they conflict with what we think we should be doing.

Learning to listen to our bodies, understand our nervous systems, and respond to ourselves with curiosity and care rather than criticism and force can fundamentally change how we move through the world.

And I believe a life that looks impressive from the outside but feels miserable on the inside is not a life we should aspire to.

I'm much less interested in being good, impressive, or admired than I used to be.

These days, I'm more interested in being authentic, feeling good in my own skin, and living in integrity with what I believe.

We have agency, even when our circumstances are difficult.

Life can deal us a really shitty hand.

I don't believe that everything happens for a reason, or that we can manifest our way out of systemic oppression, illness, trauma, or economic hardship.

There are very real constraints on our lives, and pretending otherwise does us no favors.

And.

I believe we almost always have some degree of agency within those constraints.

We can learn to recognize where we have choices. We can experiment. We can ask for help. We can change how we relate to ourselves and our circumstances.

We can cultivate hope, even when we can't yet see a way forward.

And sometimes, the smallest choices create openings we couldn't have imagined.

The systems we've inherited aren't the only systems possible.

I believe capitalism will destroy humanity and the planet's ability to sustain life if we let it continue unchecked.

We've built a culture that prizes productivity, competition, accumulation, and endless growth, often at the expense of our health, our relationships, and the natural world.

And we've been conditioned to believe that this is simply how things work.

But it isn't the only way.

I'm deeply interested in alternative ways of living, working, and organizing ourselves. Some are emerging now. Others are ancient practices we've lost touch with.

I find hope in people who are experimenting with new models of community, care, cooperation, and collective well-being.

Just because something is normal doesn't mean it's natural, healthy, or inevitable.

We already carry the seeds of who we're becoming.

An acorn doesn't need to be taught how to become an oak tree.

It already contains the potential to become one. What it needs are the right conditions: nourishment, space, sunlight, water, and time.

I think we're a lot like that.

I believe we have an innate wisdom that can help guide us toward lives that fit who we really are.

That doesn't mean we already know everything or don't need other people. Quite the opposite. We need support, opportunities to experiment, and environments in which we can flourish.

But I don't believe we need to become fundamentally different people to be worthy of the lives we want.

Sometimes the work is less about adding something new and more about removing what has been getting in the way.

Of course, there's more in my purse than just beliefs.

I'm an anti-capitalist, elder millennial, eldest daughter, burnout survivor, nature lover, cat mom, and a little woo-woo (think Human Design, astrology, and ancestral healing).

I'm also a woman living with chronic illness and someone who has navigated complex trauma.

These experiences and identities have shaped how I see the world, what I question, what I value, and what I believe is possible.

And my lenses aren't static. They're continually being shaped by what I experience, what I learn, and the people I encounter.

What does this actually look like in my life?

It means I challenge the status quo rather than assuming that the way things are is the way they have to be.

I practice giving and receiving support, even when my conditioning tells me I should be able to do everything myself.

I look for opportunities to collaborate rather than compete.

I try to allow things to unfold in their own time instead of forcing outcomes.

I look for the fun, and when I find it, I lean in.

I no longer willingly remain in environments where my needs don't matter.

I actively seek out reasons to hope.

And I prioritize time in nature because I know that, without it, I start to wilt.

Do I live all of these beliefs perfectly, all the time?

Hell no.

I'm human. I'm still unlearning decades of conditioning, and I regularly catch myself acting in ways that contradict what I believe.

But that's part of the practice.

The goal isn't perfection. It's awareness, choice, and the willingness to keep coming back to what matters.

And what does this mean for my coaching?

It means I'm not here to tell you how to live your life.

I'm here to help you see the water you've been swimming in.

To notice the beliefs, expectations, and patterns that have been shaping your choices, often without your conscious awareness.

To question the things you've been taught to accept as inevitable.

To listen to the messages your emotions and body have been sending you.

To experiment with new ways of thinking, relating, working, and being.

To give yourself permission to rest. To want what you want. To take up space. To be authentically yourself.

And to discover that you don't need to earn your worth by becoming someone more impressive.

You are already enough, exactly as you are.

That doesn't mean you can't grow or change.

It means you get to grow from a place of self-acceptance rather than self-rejection.

And I think that's a radically different place from which to build a life.

Now I'm curious about your purse.

What are the lenses through which you see the world?

Which beliefs have you consciously chosen, and which have you inherited?

Are there any you've been carrying around for years that no longer fit?

And what might become possible if you decided to put them down?

I hope you'll take a little time to reflect on these questions.

And if you feel like sharing, I'd genuinely love to hear what's in your purse.