How to Figure Out What You Want to Do Next in Your Career

jesspare84
Jun 4
5 min read

What If I Don't Know What I Want to Do Next in My Career?

A few months ago, a woman came to me feeling completely stuck.

She was in her 40s and deeply unhappy in her work. Not because it was objectively terrible, but because she couldn't shake the feeling that she'd somehow ended up in the wrong life.

As she told me about her career, she kept apologizing for how "all over the place" it sounded.

Does this look like you trying to explain your career path to people?

"I've never had a real career path," she said.

She talked about jobs she'd taken because they were practical. Opportunities she'd said yes to because they were available. Interests she'd abandoned because they didn't seem realistic. Dreams she'd talked herself out of because they felt selfish, risky, or impossible.

From her perspective, her resume looked like a collection of random experiences that didn't add up to anything meaningful.

She felt behind.

Embarrassed.

Disappointed in herself.

Most of all, she felt ashamed that she still didn't know what she wanted to do with her life.

Then she said something I hear all the time:

"I just don't know what I want."

But as we continued talking, I began to suspect that the problem wasn't that she didn't know what she wanted.

The problem was that she'd spent decades learning not to listen to herself.

And in my experience, that's true for many of the women who come to coaching convinced they "don't know what they want to do next."

Usually, the issue isn't a lack of desire. It's a loss of connection.

So if you're feeling stuck, confused, or frustrated that you still haven't figured out your next step, here are a few reasons that might be happening.

Why We Don't Know What We Want

When people tell me they don't know what they want to do next, I rarely believe that's the whole story.

Here are some of the most common reasons I see.

We've spent years focusing on everyone else

Many women have been conditioned to prioritize other people's happiness, comfort, and approval.

When you've spent decades asking, What does everyone else need from me? it becomes much harder to answer the question, What do I want?

The truth is that knowing what we want is a skill.

And like any skill, it gets stronger with practice.

We've stopped listening to our bodies

Our bodies are constantly giving us information.

Energy.

Excitement.

Curiosity.

Dread.

Relief.

But many of us have learned to override these signals in order to be productive, responsible, and successful.

Over time, we become disconnected from one of the most powerful sources of guidance we have.

We've learned to dismiss the things that light us up

Maybe you were told your interests weren't practical.

Maybe your strengths weren't valued.

Maybe your dreams seemed unrealistic compared to what was expected of you.

Little by little, we learn to minimize the very clues that point us toward a more aligned life.

We don't actually want to know

This one can be uncomfortable.

Sometimes part of us already knows what we want.

But acknowledging it might require difficult conversations, major changes, or letting go of identities and relationships we've carried for years.

Not knowing can feel safer.

Confusion protects us from action

If we're confused, we don't have to make a decision.

If we don't make a decision, we don't have to risk failure.

Or disappointment.

Or uncertainty.

The nervous system often prefers familiar discomfort over unfamiliar possibility.

We misunderstand how clarity works

Many of us believe clarity arrives first and action comes second.

But in my experience, the opposite is true.

Clarity comes from action.

It comes from trying things, learning things, ruling things out, and discovering what resonates through lived experience.

We dismiss the clues we already have

Often people know more than they think they do.

They can tell you what topics fascinate them.

What kinds of conversations energize them.

What problems they love solving.

What they secretly wish they could spend more time doing.

But because they don't yet see a viable career path, they dismiss these clues before they've had a chance to explore them.

Some Reframes That Might Help

If any of this sounds familiar, here are a few things I'd love for you to remember.

Your desires matter

You can continue building a life around everyone else's expectations, or you can begin the process of returning to yourself.

As author and professional dominatrix, Kasia Urbaniak, writes:

"The most radical thing a woman can do is want."

The longer you wait to explore what you want, the more disconnected from yourself you're likely to become.

Your body is trying to help you

Start small.

Notice when you're hungry.

Notice when you're tired.

Notice what energizes you and what drains you.

Notice which people leave you feeling expanded and which leave you feeling depleted.

These signals matter.

They're often pointing toward something important.

Your strengths and interests aren't random

Pay attention to the things you naturally enjoy.

The topics you lose track of time exploring.

The activities that make you feel most like yourself.

And notice where shame shows up to tell you those things don't matter.

That voice isn't always telling the truth.

Fear doesn't mean stop

Fear is often present whenever we're standing at the edge of meaningful change.

Instead of trying to get rid of it, see if you can get curious about it.

Listen to what it's trying to protect.

Offer it compassion.

Then keep moving.

Clarity comes from movement

You don't need a five-year plan.

You need a next step.

Have a conversation.

Take a class.

Volunteer.

Shadow someone.

Read the book.

Run the experiment.

Gather data.

Every action creates information.

And information creates clarity.

Be patient with the process

Most major life transitions take longer than we expect.

Often much longer.

But the time will pass either way.

Five years from now, what might Future You thank you for beginning today?

And what might Future You wish you hadn't postponed?

Career reinvention isn't a race.

It's a relationship.

A relationship with yourself.

And relationships deepen one conversation at a time.

A Gentle Reflection

Before you close this page, take a moment and ask yourself:

What have I been curious about lately?
What have I been dismissing because it feels unrealistic, impractical, or impossible?
If I trusted myself just 10% more, what might I explore next?

You don't need to know the whole path.

You only need enough courage for the next step.